Now that I think of it, how is traditional dating more socially acceptable than prostitution?
If you think about it, sex is the highest level you can achieve in a relationship. I know, what about love...let's just say it's not always guaranteed in a dating situation. There is no promise that going out to dinner and a movie will add up to that yearning feeling in your heart. But should you ride the wave of a relationship through, you will eventually have sex. Even if you're a goody two-shoes who waits until marriage, you still have another step until you get to the top of the pyramid. If you're lucky, love might happen on the way, but otherwise most people won't end a fling until they have given their new partner a test-drive.
Either way, a prostitute gets paid top dollar for fulfilling a persons 'needs,' and dating someone means waiting on them hand and foot ultimately for the same thing. A lot of escorts have the same deal set up. It's as simple as "take me to dinner, pay me $500 and I'm yours for the night." So if you're a slut and you agree to a date, you could very well be saying "take me to dinner and I'm yours for the night." And then you're just out $500. Or if you're into commitment, you could be saying "give this relationship a title and invest some time, always treat me right, then take me to dinner and I'm yours for the night." In which case you're more of a 'sugar baby' prostitute.
And if you're waiting until marriage, you're just waiting for the highest bid. For instance, "this guy says he will love me forever, he offered me a huge ass diamond ring, and he has been spending money on me for a year now (read dating). He totally beats out the guy who only spent money on me for three months." In this case, a wedding is just another way to purchase you. No way getting around it. And you're probably worth more to him because you're a virgin. Which explains his willingness to wait for you.
Think about it. At the end of the day, all we can be is a bunch of whores. And Modern Society only serves as the invite to a masquerade.
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Friday, March 27, 2009
Guilty.
Buck had me over for the third time. They say third time's the charm, but it was only round 2.
I have known Buck since day 1 at LK. That was my first area of work. I guess I should include that's where I met Boomer and Mayor and where I work with DJ. Popa is there some times, too. The tank is my other work location... I met Popa, Temple, and Georgia there. Buck was always friendly, and although I was always interested in other people first, he never took offense. Slowly but surely he led me... he knew how to make me let down my guard.
The first time I spent the night it was a surprise to both of us. He thought I was a virgin. I never expected to run to someone's bedroom the first time we spent time together outside of work. Strangely, it seemed expected at the same time. I guess sex is just another way to keep people at arm's length. If you give it up early, he never wants into your personal life. Why would a guy give a shit when he can get it for free?
He's still friendly, which is fine. But last night he offered to help me move out of Boomer's. Then, after round 2, it hit. The guilt that drove me mad last time. Or rather the occasional pang and never knowing when it would hit. Still panting, I lay there thinking "My clothes are strewn across this man's bedroom." As if it wasn't even about the sex. The guilt will eat me alive, though. I contemplated regret the first time I woke up at his place. I looked around and realized that I know so little about his life for all the things he knows about me. Maybe he's just as guarded as I am.
This setup should be perfect for me. Relationships don't work because I don't believe that any set of actions should guarantee anyone a piece of my life. Nothing makes me belong to someone else, not dates or flowers or candlelight. I hate feeling that I owe someone my time because they paid for a movie or some other token trap. With Buck, we can just be friends and hang out on occasion, then sometimes have sex if we're both in the mood. Taking second place to Mayor won't be an issue. He can know my business but is not entitled to it. And I trust him but I don't ever have to let down those last few gates. So much for Georgia.
The part that hurts is wondering whether he had purer intentions. Because he offers to do things only a boyfriend would. He asks if things are okay, and when I give him a bullshit answer he digs deeper. He invites me over but neglects to tell me his friends are there, as if he knows I would opt out of making ties with anyone from his personal life. And when we sleep together, he holds me all night long. And again I am guilty, because I harbor no affectionate feeling beyond friendship. I think the sex ruined my chances at that. I am guilty on so many levels, but I can only feel ashamed about my clothes being out of reach as I am falling asleep.
I have known Buck since day 1 at LK. That was my first area of work. I guess I should include that's where I met Boomer and Mayor and where I work with DJ. Popa is there some times, too. The tank is my other work location... I met Popa, Temple, and Georgia there. Buck was always friendly, and although I was always interested in other people first, he never took offense. Slowly but surely he led me... he knew how to make me let down my guard.
The first time I spent the night it was a surprise to both of us. He thought I was a virgin. I never expected to run to someone's bedroom the first time we spent time together outside of work. Strangely, it seemed expected at the same time. I guess sex is just another way to keep people at arm's length. If you give it up early, he never wants into your personal life. Why would a guy give a shit when he can get it for free?
He's still friendly, which is fine. But last night he offered to help me move out of Boomer's. Then, after round 2, it hit. The guilt that drove me mad last time. Or rather the occasional pang and never knowing when it would hit. Still panting, I lay there thinking "My clothes are strewn across this man's bedroom." As if it wasn't even about the sex. The guilt will eat me alive, though. I contemplated regret the first time I woke up at his place. I looked around and realized that I know so little about his life for all the things he knows about me. Maybe he's just as guarded as I am.
This setup should be perfect for me. Relationships don't work because I don't believe that any set of actions should guarantee anyone a piece of my life. Nothing makes me belong to someone else, not dates or flowers or candlelight. I hate feeling that I owe someone my time because they paid for a movie or some other token trap. With Buck, we can just be friends and hang out on occasion, then sometimes have sex if we're both in the mood. Taking second place to Mayor won't be an issue. He can know my business but is not entitled to it. And I trust him but I don't ever have to let down those last few gates. So much for Georgia.
The part that hurts is wondering whether he had purer intentions. Because he offers to do things only a boyfriend would. He asks if things are okay, and when I give him a bullshit answer he digs deeper. He invites me over but neglects to tell me his friends are there, as if he knows I would opt out of making ties with anyone from his personal life. And when we sleep together, he holds me all night long. And again I am guilty, because I harbor no affectionate feeling beyond friendship. I think the sex ruined my chances at that. I am guilty on so many levels, but I can only feel ashamed about my clothes being out of reach as I am falling asleep.
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